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Halloween/Costume Ideas
Halloween is a "holiday" celebrated by Baby Jesus Haters. It is characterized by people getting dressed up in costumes to "frighten" away spirits. Please post the name of the costume you will be wearing this year and a brief description of it in the appropriate section below, or add a new one, here Costumes New Costumes for 2008 To design a costume, click the edit to the right of the name of the character you're designing for, and start typing! Michele Bachmann Sarah Palin Reverend Wright Bill Ayers John McCain Stephen Colbert --To dress like Stephen Colbert is against the 11th commandment-- Thou Shalt Not Dress Like Colbert For He Is As Close To Godliness As Possible And Thou Who Doest Dress Like Him Shall Be Smitten. # remove all your clothing except a fashionable tie and tube socks (minimum of three socks recommended) # cover your shameful nakedness with an American flag. Bill O'Reilly # Wear clothes from your website, and tell people where they can get them # Plug your website in every third sentence # Carry a copy of Keith Olbermann's "The Worst Person In the World: And 202 Strong Contenders" and complain to people about how much space you did/didn't get in it # Complain about the fall of "Shared Christian Values" and the rise of Pagan Holidays # Make obviously incorrect facts up # Ignore the truth and change the topic when people point out the fake facts # Fly into a mindless rage whenever you see anyone dressed as Keith Olbermann Keith Olbermann # Get a life-size Xerox of Bill O'Reilly's head. # Attach to a popsicle stick. # When you see revelers dressed as Bill O'Reilly, make sure to smile and give them a Nazi salute to make them feel more welcome and appreciated. # Introduce every "O'Reilly," "Limbaugh," or "Coulter" as "Today's Worst Person in the World." # Point out the obvious illogic everytime revelers dressed as GW Bush say anything. Congratulate them for falling off the wagon when you see them drinking. Rush Limbaugh Key components # Garbage bag full of Levitra/Viagra in someone else's name # Garbage bag full of Oxycontin in someone else's name (be ready to loan to revelers dressed as Buddhist monks) # An industrial sized tube of KY # Small Dominican house-boys in limited amounts of clothing # Spray it, don't say it Dick Cheney #Constantly look like you're constipated and dyspeptic #Get visibly nervous near microwaves #Put on Some hunting fatigues #Go buy a Rifle, preferably one that you can load birdshot in #Have a few drinks of Wild Turkey with Supreme Court appointees to set the right atmosphere #START BLASTIN!!! #If you hit anyone, have another round of drinks and wait 24 hours before reporting "the accident" The Greatest President Ever # Go Pick up a George W bush Mask at your Nearby Wal-Mart Retailer # Now Stay Home! Look at the polls, you're about as popular on Halloween as "razor blades in candied apples" Larry Craig # using cardboard or foam core, fashion a bathroom stall around yourself. # Wear dress shoes on your feet and suit pants around your ankles. # Nudge people of the same sex with your shoes # Show revelers dressed as law enforcement officers your US Senate business card and ask if they know who they are messing with # Alternately tell people you are or are not resigning # Deny any gay or bisexual inclinations Mahmoud Ahmadinejad #Get Some Robes #Put a towel on your head (try to be colorful so you stand out more) #Go around Punching Out people you SUSPECT to be jews. They don't actually have to be as long as you suspect they are. #Make sure you yell "DOWN WITH ISRAEL." (Would also be help if you can find some uranium) Buddhist Monk # Get some Saffron-colored Robes # Go Out in Public with a Sign Labeled End the Vietnam War # Pour Gas All Over Yourself # Light yourself on Fire # make sure you take A LOT of pain killers (borrow them from someone dressed as Rush Limbaugh) as Buddhist Monks don't scream when they are on fire Ann Coulter (women only) # get a sex change # get a Size-L prosthetic Adam's Apple # follow directions for men and women noted below (men & women) # surgically add an extra joint (wrist or elbow) into your left arm # wear a tiny black dress, an eye patch and a mostly blond wig (be sure the roots are black) # insult everyone you meet and when they return the favor play the victim Hillary Clinton ---WARNING--- May Cause Small Children to go Blind # wear a pantsuit # use a southern accent at every other house # have an all female staff follow you around publicly, but slip in occasional mentions of "Bill's" Presidency or his advice Dennis Kucinich # Go to an estate sale, buy everything. # Add 400 pockets to a "Peter Pan" or "Hobbit" costume. # Fill the pockets with everything you bought at the estate sale. # Meet and fall madly in love with significantly taller-than-you redhead. # Commit wanton and gratuitous public displays of affection with said redhead. Justice Clarence Thomas # Wear Supreme Court Robes (James Brown Sunday come to Meetin robes may be substituted) # Allege there is pubic hair on your soda can # Follow GW Bush around # Carry around a book you wrote so everyone can ignore it # Tell revelers dressed like Dick Cheney they're "crazy" if they think you're "goin huntin" with them Karl Rove # Wear a baby satan outfit, ugly glasses, and an "Iraq: Mission Accomplished" Button # Carry a GW Bush doll in your pocket, where you've always had it # Dance to hip-hop or rap so everyone sees you have less rhythm than a Dick Cheney coronary # Go home drunk without getting nailed # Dream of hooking up with Ann Coulter if she was a woman Barack Obama # Wear big doofy-looking ears. # Ignore your white heritage (if you have it)